The Show Notes
The Talking with Dad podcast show is a little different today as it’s just me talking to you without the children!
And I have to say it was rather scary just talking into the microphone… but I survived and I hope you like it.
If this format works I plan to do more of these one man ramblings about parenting and my thoughts on the world.
I have chosen a rather serious topic today and that is divorce and separation when you have children.Almost one in five (18%) couples in the UK argue regularly or consider separating Click To Tweet
Fifth of UK couples close to break-up – Relate study
I really hope you enjoy the show and please feel free to leave a comment below or share on Facebook and Twitter and of course I would always appreciate a review on iTunes 🙂
Hello and welcome to the talking with Dad podcast with me dad and today it’s only me.
If you’ve listened to our podcast before you will know this is a show where I usually talk to my children about various topics weird and wonderful but today I’m trying a slightly different format so it’s just me talking to you out there in podcast land.
The reason I’m talking on my own is because the children are not here and for those of you who don’t know me and the children’s mum are now divorced we separated about two years ago.
so I thought I’d take a moment while children are away to discuss this a little bit and explain some of my thoughts and feelings on separation and as Harris would say let’s get into that!
It’s quite hard talking on on your own without having someone to a bounce off and ask questions because its just me now brambling but what I’m hoping is that potentially some of you listeners out there may have gone through a separation you may be going through one at this moment in time you may even be thinking is separation the right thing for you and your family and hopefully in some way my ramblings might help with that process.
I thought it might be interesting to go back to the start. I guess when me and my ex wife decided to to split or separate if I am 100% honest it wasn’t my decision, it was the right decision but it was something that I don’t think I would have pushed or been brave enough to do myself, part of that is because my parents split when I was about 7 years old and I always swore that if I had my own family and if we had children I would never want my children to go through divorce but unfortunately you can’t always help these things.
We are quite lucky that in our relationship that nobody cheated there was no bad behaviour or anything like that. I won’t go into it too much details but I guess we just grew apart and we were unhappy and the sad thing is that I would have probably put up with being unhappy because I thought being together was the right thing to do for the children.
I remember it was one of the things that I even said when my ex-wife said we should divorce was we can’t do that because it’s not right for the children, how will it affect them and it obviously does affect your children any relationship whether you are together or if you split up how you are will effect them.
We don’t always know I guess what are actions will prove to be in the future but I do remember vividly telling the children that we were going to split and daddy was going to be moving out of the house it was really hard.
It was a horrible thing to have to do but again I’m really pleased from the beginning we were up front we were honest with the children we told them exactly what was happening and explained the process.
Kids are so resilient and they handled it really really well and I know it must have been difficult for them and I think at some point it will be nice to get them on the show and maybe talk to them about how they feel about divorce and how they felt at the time and how they feel now.
I think what is really important is to be open and honest from the start and let the children know what’s going on I also can say that the split was not easy for me and I possibly didn’t do things the right way!
There was a part of me that wanted to prove that living with daddy was better than living with Mummy, I wanted my house to be better Than their mums house, I wanted to know when the kids were with daddy it was amazing and that is a very childish thing to think like but I guess part of that was resentment and it’s childish.
It was quite funny as my ex-wife always liked new houses so when I was looking for my new home I tried to find the oldest house possible with wonky floors and wooden beams and the children will tell you that daddy’s house is cold and old but if they wear extra jumpers in the winter they are fine!
There is always going to be a little bit of in-fighting between the parents and if you can try your best to get on with your ex and I know lots of circumstances are different. But I’m lucky in that respect that we are now friends… friends is the right word I think well we are friendly, we don’t hang out together like some ex-couples do.
They still do family days and things like that, which is a nice idea if it works for them then that’s great. We tried that a few times where we might have a Sunday dinner together and things like that in the early days but usually it would end up with us falling out over something.
Normally I would end up saying something that was a bit nasty or a bit mean that would upset my ex-wife and the bickering and fighting would start again and funnily enough when we are together the children seemed to play up more they would play us off against each other.
I don’t know if they can feel that there is tension between us?
If I’m honest is nicer when we’re not together and probably my ex-wife would agree with that too!
I can’t say I do the right thing all the time and it will all come out in counselling one day I’m sure.
I lost the last bit of the transcript!! Sorry but thanks for reading 🙂